Twin Kingdom Times, October
Gnome Attack Shocks Kingdom
West Kingdom was rocked last night by an attack on a private island. Over 20 gnome slaves escaped and thousands of coins worth of private property was destroyed.
The attack began just before midnight, on a private island located north of West Kingstown. The island, believed to have been a centre for lumen manufacturing, was raided by a squad of criminal gnomes who used bombs, knives and bows to force their way into the property and through the portal. Before help could arrive, the attackers and the slaves escaped together, heading eastwards over the mountains. Their whereabouts are currently unknown.
Later that night, a message was received from a representative of the terrorist group Gnomes for Freedom, who have carried out several similar attacks across the two kingdoms. Signed by Wurgle Pugshoes, leader of the group, it read as follows:
“Our island raid was a success. The island in question was full of gnomes who were being held in inhumane conditions, often being forced to work until death in order to enrich their captors.
We will not rest until gnomes everywhere may live freely. There are too many gnomes in slavery to human and gnome oligarchs. These oligarchs are in league with the dragons. Dragons use magic which means that gnomes can never win in a straight fight. I need to level the playing field. I will destroy the dragons and banish their vile magic to the dark realms from whence it came.
I will lead as many attacks as necessary. I am not the only gnome fighting this fight though, there are many scattered gnome resistance fighters who battle against tyranny. We are determined and will fight on until all gnomes are free!”
Members of the NKC guild, who currently control the two kingdoms, have been quick to react, vowing to recapture the freed slaves and resume lumen production. As of this morning, search parties were scouring the mountains in search of the resistance group and the escaped slaves.
Market Crash Continues
The Canvas economy continues to struggle following the recent economic downturn. The price of diamonds slumped to a low of around 350 gold in the past week, while other common items also took a hit. While wood and stone are trading at a good price, many miners and merchants are struggling to get by with the low price available for goods.
Despite the poor outlook, many oligarchs were still trading in Snowtown recently. The Northeast Swapper, speaking from his base in Snowtown, condemned mega-rich Canvas citizens for their impact on the economy. “The oligarchs are a big part of it. They own most of everything and they can do quite a lot whenever they want to. I think that they should help the people out more. There have been some protests about reducing the number of oligarchs or reducing the prices of taxes.” The statement is an unusually passionate one, as the Swappers generally remain neutral on political issues.
Meanwhile, the price of fish continued to skyrocket. Both K Fish and Taylor Ryver’s new shop listed small fish for six gold each, a 200% increase in standard price from earlier in the year. The price rise is believed to be caused by a lack of working fishermen and an increased demand for health potions.
Town Guard Abducted by Former King
Former King Taylor Ryver is facing accusations of criminal activity after kidnapping and apparently attempting to murder an East Kingstown Guard.
The guard, who wishes to remain anonymous, was drawn onto a plot just outside town yesterday by unknown means. He was then trapped inside a small enclosure before the snow zorg was brought into an adjacent one. The monster then used its ice blast to attack the guard through the wall. Despite taking damage, the guard returned to duty later that day, seemingly back to full health.
“The king was a former client. I guard him and his family against all monsters and threats. I did not know he would turn on me!” said the guard, who is believed to have served the Kingdom for over three years. “There are two reasons I am still alive as far as I can tell. First, there is a mysterious woman with powers that protect me. The details are not clear to me. Second, the snow zorgs are too weak to harm me!”
It is unclear whether Ryver will face consequences for his actions. The guard himself took a largely forgiving approach but sounded a note of caution about Ryver’s future conduct. “I cannot do anything directly. I have a no-killing policy, and a no-revenge policy. I will continue to be the best guardian possible to protect my town. I don’t understand why people with so much power turn into evil monsters. I hope he has a change of heart before he does something truly evil.”
Zorg Worried for Future
The terrifying monster that lurks in the woods near Haven may be coming to the end of its life, new reports emerge. King’s jester Tres claims to have learned the language of the Zorg and communed with the creature. The jester’s tell-all memoir, All the Zorg You’ll Ever Need, features several shocking claims, including a report that the Zorg is wrapping up its reign of terror.
“I have many zorglings living in my nest with me,” the Zorg is quoted in the final chapter of the book, “But I am getting old. My joints hurt, my back hurts and in general, I’m just getting very tired. I’m worried about my beloved zorglings if I’m not around much longer.”
Tres’s book is set to be released in the summer of next year.
Ogrul Restaurant to Open in East Kingstown?
East Kingstown’s culinary scene could soon be boosted by Canvas Legacy’s first Ogrul restaurant. Ogrul chef Oxagork has been spotted plot shopping in the area and recently stated his intention to bring his people’s cuisine to East Kingdom.
We sat down for a Q & A session with this pioneering businessman.
Reporter: So, you’re opening a new restaurant?
Oxagork: “The Gork’s Goulash” will be the name.
Reporter: Wow! What kind of food will you serve?
Oxagork: “We serve only the most delicious food. The main dish I’ve been working on is the goulash. My goulash consists of chopped-up onions, chicken broth and beef. I add garlic, thyme and paprika to it. I also put potatoes in it.”
Reporter: Sounds good. Any dessert options?
Oxagork: “We also serve chocolate fudge cake, carrot cake, coffee and beer.”
Reporter: “Yum. Do you think you’ll have trouble getting staff to work for you? As an orgul warrior, you have a reputation for slaughtering those who make mistakes. I can’t say I’d envy the waiter who drops a tray.”
Oxagork: “I would never slaughter the waiters. I am a lot more civilized than other ogrul warriors. I don’t think it would be that hard to get chefs working for me. But I do plan to make a lot of the food myself. I plan to run the place myself.”.
Reporter: “Your main competition comes from the town stables which sell meat from abandoned horses. How do you think your food can appeal to patrons over this traditional fare?
Oxagork: I think the townspeople will like my food. In the past I’ve always gotten people to like my cooking. When I used to be the leader of a warband I used to do all the cooking because mine was the best. The rest of the warband would hunt and fight.
Reporter: How did you transition from leading warriors into battle to cooking up delicious meals?
Oxagork: It was a very easy transition. I got bored of fighting and killing. I wanted to make food and be successful. I always wanted to own a business when I was a warrior, but nobody else in my warband supported the idea. They all cared about nothing but violence and killing. I don’t live by violence anymore. I live by my dreams of owning a restaurant.
Reporter: This all sounds wonderful. May I attend the restaurant’s grand opening and write a review for the newspaper?
Oxagork: Yes you may! It will be on the main street of East Kingstown. My friend and warband member Norxo will build the restaurant himself. Without his help I don’t think I could get the restaurant running.”
Reporter: Oh? I thought you said no members of the warband supported you.
Oxagork: He isn’t in the warband anymore. He doesn’t like violence and killing. He is a peaceful being and a carpenter. He is also very smart. He has helped me a lot and has kept me out of a lot of trouble I should have gotten into as a warrior. He is very caring and nice, the complete opposite of me. I love him for that.
Reporter: You seem to like him very much. Are you perhaps more than friends?
Oxagork: “Yes. We are both in a relationship. The other ogruhls hate that. But we never let the other ogruhls come between us. They never will. We will always be happy together.”
Reporter: May the food you make be as beautiful as the love you share with Norxo.
Sport Roundup
An upcoming Canvas Legacy Olympic event will take place in East Kingstown, sources claim. An anonymous Kingdom official claims the sporting event will include archery, taming, fishing and racing events. The event will be held across several venues in the kingdom and could provide a boost to the local economy.
In wrestling, Goblin King Makroosh won a seventh consecutive Shineloss tournament. He defeated his tribe’s troll in the final and celebrated by downing a barrel of Iron Delight.
In racing, Maeden won the Autumn Cup with an early victory at the Olympic Stadium followed by a win at The Gnomeway. He remains unbeaten in racing.
