Gnoll Book of Gnolledge — Chapter 2

Forward from Geoffery Bornington, historian: The following is a chapter from the Gnoll Book of Gnolledge. This book contains folk “wisdom” and other pieces of dubious knowledge from the savage gnoll tribe just north of Haven.

Penned by their tribal chiefs and elders, it appears to be a disconnected collection of predictions, aphorisms, myths and ponderings, something like an almanac. The book is copied by hand and distributed throughout the tribe, although there are slight differences from copy to copy

While the content is mostly useless, the book itself sheds some light on the “culture” and “thought-processes” of these primitive creatures.

This page illustrates the scatterbrained nature of the Gnoll Book of Knowledge. Following on from the sacred gnoll creation myth, it advises young, inexperienced gnolls on how to deal with any humans they might meet. The advice is…well, you’ll see.

Many human is coming near Gnoll sacred land lately. They come with sword and bow and great fire breathing dragonling! Many brave Gnoll die in battle.

Wise Gnoll know how to deal with human.

First, if human is walking into sacred lands…kill them! No one but Gnoll, horse, unicorn and nightmare is permitted in sacred land.

If a Gnoll is meeting human somewhere else and this human is peaceful, it okay for wise Gnoll to be friendly. Some human is okay but they is all VERY stupid.

Human not even know who created world. Them never heard of Star Horse. Them think fast man in red suit called “Lantern” is world creator. Ridiculous!

Them also think there is only eight or nine fish in the world.

Them not know about Tunnelgucks.

Them never heard of Bonetree.

Them think world ends at ocean.

Human is not having much brain at all.

How to Talk to Human

Wise Gnoll must speak to humans like they speaking to baby. Use small word. Don’t say big word like “cabbage” or stupid human get confused.

If you is looking for good conversation outside of Sacred Land, go talk to sheep instead of human. Average sheep is having some interesting opinion on current world event.

If human seem unfriendly, use joke to break the ice. Here is good joke for human to understand.

Wise Gnoll ask: “What is difference between cat and carrot?”

Human say: “I don’t know.”

Wise Gnoll reply “I not send you to do my shopping!”

While human laughing, wise Gnoll can steal human backpack or stab human in soft, hairless neck.

Stuff Human Say

Human is loving to say mystical phrase like: “I just reached level 90 mining!” and “500 health potions now available in my shop!” Is hard for young Gnoll to understand. Is even more confusing when human using letter codes to talk. Here is translation for common human codeword.

“I’m AFK” = “I’m a freaking kangaroo.” We not know what kangaroo is. Could be mighty warrior.

“GTG” = “Gotta treat Gnoll.” This good. Wisest thing human ever say.

“BRB” = “Back, rancid beast!” Never let human say this to you. Human should die for such rudeness.

“WTF” = “Where’s the feast?” Human only say this when very hungry.

“WYD” = “Woohoo, you’re dead!” This most vicious warcry. When wise Gnoll hear this, wise Gnoll prepare for battle.

Making Safe Choice

Most of time, human is not friendly at all, no matter what Gnoll try. Sometime, human is trying to steal from honest young Gnoll. If in doubt, kill them quick. There is good meat on human bones and shiny gold in their pocket.